Today's Monarch of England is probably the most famous, if not the most infamous monarch that England has ever had the misfortune to have.
He has gone down in history as one of the most divisive, selfish, lusty, boastful, and larger than life kings in history. But was Henry VIII really that way? Short answer... "Yes, and then some." But he was also a man of multiple talents. He was a true renaissance man who actually lived in the renaissance. He was lots of things, but one thing he wasn't was boring. So let's do this! HENRY VIII, BABY! - born in 1491 to Henry VII and Elizabeth York. He was the second son, and the third of seven children. Of his siblings, only Arthur, his older brother, and his two sisters Margaret and Mary survived infancy. - Henry VII was not a very close father, but that was normal among royalty of the time. There is no reason to believe that Henry or his siblings were not loved, but theirs was a a strict childhood, full of ceremony and responsibility. - Not much is known of his childhood, as he was the second son, and Arthur was popular and strong. Henry was more or less the middle child of his family, and was allowed to run wild, as many second brothers of royal families did. - At age 10, his brother married Catherine of Aragon, daughter of the well renowned Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain. Then, Arthur fell ill and died. Henry VII and Isabella were keen to have Catherine marry 10 year old prince Henry. Catherine was 16, and fiercely religious. Henry was not at all interested in the marriage, but for political reasons, it was moved forward, even though the Pope was trying to marry his niece to Henry. Catherine was subjected to embarrassing interviews in which she was forced to describe the intimacies of her and Arthur's bedchambers. Catherine insisted that she and Arthur had never had sex, and as such, were not truly wed. This allowed the marriage to Henry to go forward. - Henry stalled and stalled, but soon Henry VII died. Now king Henry VIII, Henry suddenly changed tack and stated that his dying father wished for him to marry Catherine. This jilted the pope's niece, but secured Henry in the eyes of his people as a real king, and improved strained relations with Spain. - Henry, now 18, was already infamous for his appetites for sports, fighting, sex, and food. He was something of an athlete: muscular, tall, and handsome. Most young ladies of the court found him infinitely charming. This did nothing to temper the king's massive ego... nor did it do anything to impress his very very devout wife. Catherine complained to her father in a letter that her life was a "continuous festival." Henry, for his part, did his duty to impregnate Catherine, and their relationship seems to be strained, but loving in its own way. Henry was not shy about his promiscuity and love of mistresses. - Upon his coronation (a huge event for its time,) Henry immediately jailed and executed two of his father's favorite ministers. This was Henry VIII's favored method of removing rivals to his power. He charged them with treason, and with the power of the Star Chamber, charged and executed them quickly. Crossing Henry VIII was nearly guaranteed to end with your death. Even THINKING ill of the king was punishable by death. (Backed by law... though I'm not sure how they enforced this...) - Was continually disappointed with his marriage, as his wife was not able to produce an heir. Of many miscarriages and child deaths, only one daughter, Mary, would survive into adulthood. - Of all the mistresses of Henry during this time, only 2 are known. It would seem that accusing the king of infidelity was dangerous, and little was documented. - Treated his bastard children fairly well. With Elizabeth Blount, Henry had an illegitimate son, Henry Fitzroy. He gave Fitzroy a noble title, and was moving to legitimize him, but Henry Fitzroy died a few years later, having had no children. Henry VIII's hopes were dashed again. - Unlike his father, he desired war with France, and personally invaded the French mainland, scoring a few victories. King Louis of France convinced the Scottish king to invade England, as usual. Catherine of Aragon appears to have been capable, however, and in the king's stead, she sent an army north to stop the Scots. King James IV of Scotland was killed in battle, ending the Scottish invasion very quickly. - The pope promised Henry VIII could be king of France if he won the war. The idea that Edward III's dream could finally come true was too tempting to the egotistical young king. However, Spain had to be bailed out of the war after a string of defeats. This was a huge drain on the English coffers. Also, the pope had died, and the new Pope Leo X wished for peace with France. Henry was forced to negotiate, and peace settled between all three countries for a time. - From this point on, Henry seems to have been more interested in negotiation and trade than military conquest. Ferdinand died, and so did Louis of France. All three countries now had young Renaissance kings, with an eye on trade and culture. - Henry was well known for his love of music. He composed several songs that became quite popular and are still known today. He jousted, he painted, he read, and he debated. Henry VIII was the first scholarly king to have done so without being considered "Unmanly" like Henry VI had been. - By 1525, Henry, now gaining weight and frustrated with his lack of legitimate sons, was growing tired of his marriage. Henry was now 34, his wife 40. She was not likely to have more children. Henry, by then, was in a full relationship with Mary Boleyn, one of Queen Catherine's handmaidens. It was rumored that her 2 children were Henry's, but this is not likely, as he did not attempt to legitimize them. Regardless, Henry was now moving on to Mary's little sister, Anne. - Anne Boleyn was a rarity in the court. She was sexy, outspoken, Protestant, and played hard to get. Henry was intrigued. He attempted to seduce her, but unlike many women such as her sister, she flat out refused him. This seems to have both enraged and enticed the king in equal measure. He simply HAD to have her. He appealed to the Pope to annul his marriage to Catherine. Pope Clement VII (a newer pope,) refused to do so, however. At this point, Henry passed from unruly king into a living legend. - Henry insisted on the annulment. Since the pope would not give him one, Henry blew everyone's mind and announced that he would become Protestant. The king, who had once been blessed by a pope and called the "Guardian of the Faith" was now a turncoat in the eyes of the Catholic church. The Pope excommunicated not just Henry, but all people of England. To say this caused a bit of upheaval is the understatement of all time. Henry had been a true champion of the Catholic Church, writing many books speaking out against the evils of Martin Luther, now he was literally sleeping with the enemy. - Henry set Cardinal Thomas Wolsey, an old friend of his, to task on convincing the Pope. When it became clear that this had failed miserably, Henry had Wolsey beheaded. (no surprise.) Henry then went forward with his plans. He declared himself the head of the "Church of England," and rejected any papal authority in his kingdom. Catherine was unceremoniously booted into a distant castle, Anne moved into her chambers, and the people of England watched with shock and horror as Henry married Anne Boleyn, dooming the nation to Hell eternal in the eyes of the Catholic Church. Wolsey was replaced by Thomas Cranmer, a favorite of Anne's who quickly became one of Henry's closest aides. - Henry now allied with France against Spain, completing his total reversal. He did this mainly to get the French to back his marriage, though continuing peace was a nice bonus. Cranmer and parliament stripped the former queen of all titles and rank, naming her a dowager. Anne was now Queen, and soon was pregnant. - To Henry's great consternation, Anne gave birth to a daughter, Elizabeth. Their marriage was also rocky. Anne was outspoken and authoritative, not the submissive little girl that Henry wanted. -Henry seems to have dived into the Reformation, appointing another favorite, Thomas Cromwell (lots of Thomases back then, I suppose,) to aid in this endeavor. Cromwell was a stodgy, tough man, with a knack for bullying. He quickly became the right hand of the now tyrannical Henry VIII, crushing all opposition to Henry's actions. Sir Thomas More, a great friend to Henry, yet another Thomas, and a well known author and statesman, was beheaded along with literally dozens of others. And all the while, Anne spread the seeds of Protestantism in the king's heart, while he tried to spread the seeds that would produce a male heir. He would be disappointed. - Henry waged war on the Catholic faith in England. He dissolved holy sees, destroyed and looted monasteries, and pocketed all the proceeds. Though this shocked and angered many, there was little they could do. Henry was fully in charge and with Cranmer and Cromwell at his side, could not be stopped. - Catherine of Aragon died, and Henry and Anne were so happy, they declared it a national day of festivity. This of course did nothing to improve relations with his daughter, Mary. She would remember every... last... thing... that her father did. - Now falling out of favor fast, Anne became desperate, trying and failing many more times to have a son. Henry was wounded in a joust. His leg would never truly heal, and he had an open sore on his leg for the rest of his life, (he was probably diabetic.. his diet was completely horrible.) Anne was shocked at the news that Henry might die, then immediately miscarried a 15 week old son. This was the last straw. Thomas Cromwell had turned against Anne, and had convinced the king to be rid of her. Henry couldn't pull the same trick twice, so Cromwell was able to produce witnesses that said Anne had been unfaithful to the king. (Which was high treason.) This was all codswallop... however, it was convenient. Anne was sent to the block, losing her head in 1536. - By now, Henry, fat and bitter, had fallen in love with Jane Seymour, yet another handmaiden to an unfortunate queen. The day after Anne was executed, he announced his engagement to Jane. (This did nothing to impress his daughters.) By all accounts, Jane was the love of his life. She was dutiful, kind to his daughters, and a loving wife. Better still, she gave birth to a son, Edward. But then, tragedy... Jane died soon after the birth of the prince. Henry's heart was broken, and he sank deeper into despair. - Now having a son, Henry declared that his daughters Mary and Elizabeth were bastards, and would never inherit the throne. Mary seems to have taken this rather hard, but Elizabeth was a bit more neutral on the entire affair. None of this was a real surprise to anyone, though. - Thomas Cromwell was worried that the Holy Roman Empire, now run by Charles the VI, also king of Spain, would attack. To stop this from happening, he convinced Henry to remarry a German princess, Anne of Cleves. Henry wasn't very excited by this, but Cromwell produced a lovely portrait that appeared to show a gorgeous young lady. NEVER MIND that it looked little like Anne... the King, more stricken by lust than love, agreed to the marriage. - Anne of Cleves, a naive lady, arrived in England. Henry disguised himself as a regular courtsman, in order to meet her. The meeting didn't go well at all. She was not educated, rather boorish, and above all, she was rather large and buxom. Henry preferred waifish young girls. He was disgusted. He married her, but only because to do otherwise would have humiliated England. He then immediately had the marriage annuled. Anne was stuck into a far away castle to rot, Thomas Cromwell was executed for "tricking" the king. - Now becoming obese, with health problems and a bleeding wound on his leg, fat old Henry fell in love again. This time to a 19 year old girl named Catherine Howard. Never mind that her family had conveniently put the silly girl directly in the king's path... never mind that she was already fairly well known to be a little... uh... LESS than pure. Never mind all that, she was 19, cute, and willing to play ball. Henry lavished affection on her like a true sugar daddy, and she reciprocated with all the sex he could handle. Unfortunately, she also was a teenage girl, with teenage lusts. These did NOT include her fat, smelly old husband. Catherine had other affairs, which were soon found out. When Henry found out he had been cuckolded, he flew into a furious rage. Catherine Howard insisted that she was raped... which caused the two men she was sleeping with to turn on her and each other, all three were quickly executed. Henry was a laughingstock. - Now allied with Spain against France, (yes, another flip flop,) Henry attacked Scotland in a war called the "Rough Wooing." After smacking around the Scots, he went to war in France, though this did nothing but once again bankrupt the realm. Henry's health took a nosedive... but then he got married... again. - Wife number six was Catherine Parr, a middle aged widow. Catherine was Henry's intellectual equal, and they happily debated religious matters and life in general. She was more nurse than wife to Henry.. he was now morbidly obese, covered in pus filled sores, and suffering from gout. Even so, she did all she could to reconcile him with his daughters. This seems to have worked to an extent. Henry agreed to name Mary and Elizabeth his children again, to be in line after prince Edward. This being done, Henry finally succumbed to a lifetime of debauchery and tyranny. Most in England breathed a sigh of relief. His last wife would survive this "beast of a man," and Henry was laid to rest next to Jane Seymour, his only true love. |
^ This is a song written by King Henry VIII! ^
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